


loving you

by rwnjunnie



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, How Do I Tag, Humor, I Tried, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Misunderstandings, Non AU, POV Switches, This was supposed to be funnier than it turned out to be, Yukhei is a Dumbass, i can only write sad, im sorry, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-10-01 02:27:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17235617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rwnjunnie/pseuds/rwnjunnie
Summary: Mark always said stuff like that, 'Oh, this reminds me of Donghyuck', or, 'Donghyuck and I used to do this.' He does it all the time, talking about him, and even though Yukhei has never talked to Mark about it, he has a feeling that Mark might be in love with him.





	loving you

**Author's Note:**

> it's 5am and i wrote this in. 6 hours. don't take this too seriously
> 
> i love yukhei ok i swear i do he's just a big dumbass sometimes and it's part of the reason he's so great
> 
> this is based on a tweet that i'm going to link at the end bc if you read it now you know the whole plot
> 
> not beta'ed, barely edited. english is not my first language so please go easy on me

See, Yukhei really didn’t plan on anything like this to happen. All he wanted was some good quality time with his members during their time off, before all of them had to go separate ways again to attend their schedules.

And at first, everything went well, really. He spent the entirety of the first free day in the living room, playing games on their playstation and beating Jungwoo in Mario Kart round after round, until Jungwoo grew tired of him and was soon replaced by Johnny, then by Chenle, then by Yuta, until Mark ended up sitting next to him on the carpeted floor of their dorm’s living room.

They played a few rounds of a game Yukhei didn’t know before and found to be quite boring, but Mark seemed to love it, so he kept quiet and did his best to win anyways.

“I used to play this with Donghyuck all the time before debut. There, doesn’t this character look just like him?”

Yukhei just nodded, too invested now to really listen. Mark always said stuff like that, _Oh, this reminds me of Donghyuck_ , or, _Donghyuck and I used to do this_. He does it all the time, talking about him, and even though Yukhei has never talked to Mark about it, he has a feeling that Mark might be in love with him.

Mark left him after a few rounds, said he was gonna go and look if he can find Donghyuck somewhere—there he was again—and no one else seemed to be willing to play with him, so after playing a few more rounds of his favorite game on his own, he turned the playstation off and went to bed, Kun already rolled into a small ball under his blanket and soundly asleep in his bed on the other side of their shared room.

It was a good start, really, and the following days seemed to be mostly the same.

So you see, he really didn’t plan on sitting on Haechan’s bed more towards the end of their two week break, holding his way too small hand in his own, way too big one and watching his unusually soft expression shift more with every second.

It had all started when Mark had stumbled into Yukhei’s room a few days prior, face pale except for the burning red apples of his cheeks, sleeves of his sweater drawn over his palms, and stumbling over his words as he finally admitted that he was, in fact, in love with Donghyuck.

In that moment, Yukhei had offered Mark a warm smile and a pat on the knee, not wanting him to misunderstand the panic that settled within him at the words, because not even a full week before he had seen Haechan stumble into his room in a similar fashion, and confess his deeply founded, undeniable love for Mark.

He had given Mark as much reassurance as he could in that moment, had honestly tried to be there for his obviously troubled friend, but, stuck in his own dilemma, he hadn’t really been able find the right words, and Mark had soon left him alone, probably to go and find Doyoung so he could rant to him. He was always better at giving advice than Yukhei was, so it hopefully didn’t seem too suspicious to Mark.

For the last few days, he had honestly pondered over how exactly he was going to tell Haechan the news. Because there was no doubt that he had to. Of course, Haechan was surely also one of Mark’s closest friends, but he was also widely known as an annoying brat, so Yukhei figured it would take a while before Mark told him.

It was rare that he, usually one of the brightest, funniest, dorkiest members, got so serious, but here he was, because he supposed that it was best to let Haechan down as gently as possible.

“Please don’t cry,” he begged as soon as he finished speaking and saw Haechan’s expression fall even more.

“I’m not _crying_ ,” Haechan snarked back and wiped aggressively at his eyes with the sleeve of his free hand, the other one still placed in Yukhei’s own, trembling slightly.

Jaehyun was luckily gone, the sheets of his empty bed still rumpled from when he had quickly gotten up and left when he saw Yukhei enter with such a serious expression. Maybe he had already heard the news from Doyoung and knew to give his roommate some space to not embarrass himself.

Haechan didn’t really seem to know what to say, he just sat there all dejectedly, knees drawn up against his chest and head hanging. Yukhei normally wasn’t the kind of person who noticed someone else’s height—it had taken him a while to understand why so many people were so shocked when they found out he was the same age as Mark, never really realizing just _how much_ shorter, and generally smaller, Mark was than him—but in that moment, he couldn’t help but see how small and vulnerable Haechan seemed.

“Do you want to be alone?” He put a hand on Haechan’s shoulder, kind of similar to the way he did with Mark’s knee after he told him that he was in love with Donghyuck, warm and reassuring. Haechan didn’t respond.

Instead, he raised his head, his face all puppy eyes and round cheeks already puffing up from unshed tears, and asked, “Can you at least give me a name? Tell me who it is?” He sniffled a little and tried to mask it as breathing. “It might be easier for me, then. I’ve been in love with him since I was, like, fifteen. Do I deserve to know who he is in love with, if it’s not me? Or is that selfish?”

Yukhei had no idea, either. He’d never been good at giving romantic advice. “I don’t know if I can tell you, dude, those are his own secrets to spill. You should ask him, though. You guys are friends, after all, he’d surely tell you.”

He honestly didn’t know what he did to deserve the stink eye Haechan gave him at that, but he decided it would be best to leave the kid alone for now. Finding out that the person you’ve been in love with, in _love_ , not crushing on, for what, 3 years, loves someone else was surely hard. He wouldn’t want to be bothered, either. Not that there was anyone to break his heart when he wasn’t in love in the first place, but semantics didn’t matter.

Haechan didn’t complain when he gets up and leaves, so he figured it was the right decision.

 

* * *

 

Donghyuck didn’t leave his bed for the rest of the day, just lay there, feeling empty and numb. He couldn’t even cry, despite the tears that temporarily filled his eyes after Yukhei had told him everything, tone unusually gentle.

At first, the thought that Yukhei might’ve been playing with him had crossed his mind, but not even he would be so cruel. Not after what Donghyuck told him last week, about his deeply rooted feelings for the idiot that is his best friend. The idiot with the most stupid laugh, the warmest hands and the most soothing voice, the idiot who made him both laugh and cringe on the daily, who playfully pushed him away when there was a camera but pulled him closer when they were alone. The idiot who’s been around since Donghyuck was thirteen.

The idiot who is in love with someone else.

Donghyuck sighed and turned around, burying his nose in his pillow. From the bed on the other side of the rather small room, Jaehyun looked up at him again, brows furrowed in concern. He’d asked if Donghyuck was alright at least thirty times by then, and he seemed to have finally given up. A pitying smile was all he got this time.

It wasn’t that Donghyuck was not happy for Mark. Hell, he was anything if not happy that this awkward idiot who couldn’t make it two meters without stumbling over his own feet, and who had once, drunkenly, confessed to him that he didn’t think he was capable of love—which had made Donghyuck snort in that moment because Mark was being so sentimental, but had it also kind of broken his heart—found someone he cares so deeply for. Of course he wanted Mark to be happy, that’s what came with loving someone, and he hoped this person was good to him.

He was just incredibly, selfishly sad that it wasn’t him.

But he would get over it, he was sure. And then he would support Mark, be his wingman and help him get that sweet, sweet love and romance, because he was a good best friend and he would rather walk across hot coals than see Mark unhappy. He just needed a day or two to collect himself first.

Because that was just how life was sometimes. The people you love are under no obligation to love you back, and Donghyuck knew that, which is why, when another sigh escaped his lips and Jaehyun looked up from the book in his lap yet again, he offered a roommate a small smile, because Jaehyun obviously loved him, obviously cared. He wouldn’t be here and put up with his misery if he didn’t. And Donghyuck was thankful for that.

 

* * *

 

“You’re making me all nervous with your fiddling, what do you want?”

Mark flinched and immediately stopped pulling his sleeves down over his palms, looking over at Yukhei who actually looked up from his phone for once. A pretty rare sight ever since he’d discovered whatever colorfully blinking game on his phone and it had drawn in all of his already pretty sparse attention.

Kun wasn’t home, out and about on a shopping trip with Sicheng somewhere, enjoying their last few free days by treating themselves to new clothes and street food, and Mark was currently splayed out on his bed while he waited for Yukhei to pay attention to him. He didn’t expect to succeed this quickly, though.

“I came to tell you,” he waved his hand around in the air ceremoniously, “that after a long, drawn out debate with and a lot of helpful advice from my most trusted, most reliable friend—” He made a dramatic pause here, long enough to stare into Yukhei’s eyes with intent—” _Doyoung_ , I have finally come to a decision. I’m doing it tonight. I’’m telling him.” He was so proud of himself, crossed his arms and grinned smugly, but Yukhei just blinked at him.

“You’re telling who what?” he asked after a moment, and Mark visibly deflated.

“ _Donghyuck_ , you absolute walnut. I’m going to tell Donghyuck that I’m in love with him, hoping I won’t make things worse. He seemed kinda off lately, but Doyoung said better now than never.”

It was true, Donghyuck had been acting kind of weird, had gotten all closed off towards Mark. It’s not like Mark couldn’t use the breather, a little bit of time to think over his actions and his feelings and what he was going to do about them without Donghyuck constantly hanging off his back and muddling his mind with his warmth and his scent and his voice so pretty Mark could hear the angels sing whenever he opened his mouth. Donghyuck was annoying, yes, but it was a good kind of annoying, the kind Mark only pretended to hate. Most of the time.

But his absence had gotten to a point where it was worrying. He’d barely left his room for two days, and Jaehyun, his roommate, had expressed clear concern for him. And even after he’d started coming out of bed again, he’d been different. Less touchy towards his usual subjects, more clingy towards the members he usually left alone. Taeyong had tried to talk to him about it, but he refused to say what was bothering him.

And then, the day before, he’d come back to Mark. He’d approached him in the living room, the way he walked seeming kind of off, and fell against Mark’s side, all sparkling eyes and shining smile, but Mark had seen right through it. It had all been pretense, to make them stop worrying. It might have worked on Taeyong, who had seemed to be in a better mood at dinner, but not on Mark.

Yukhei nodded, but his expression, too, seemed a little off. “That’s cool, dude. I’m rooting for you.” Sadly, Mark didn’t know Yukhei as long as he knew Donghyuck, and couldn’t read him as well.

“Okay. Thanks, I guess.” He got up from Kun’s bed, patted Yukhei’s head as he turned back to his phone, and left the room with an unsure feeling in his gut, promptly seeking out Doyoung’s counselling again.

 

* * *

 

Donghyuck had tried, he really had. He’d taken a few days to himself, kept his distance from Mark and all the members he was the closest to, had tried to convince himself that Mark Lee was a stupid asshole that didn’t deserve to be loved by him, but it was not _easy_ to think of your best friend of more than five years like that, especially if you planned on still being their friend despite.

Then, he’d tried to just go back to normal, or at least pretend to. Mark had done nothing wrong, he didn’t deserve to be treated like shit and feel bad about himself when he did nothing. But once again, their long lasting friendship ruined that plan for him. He knew that Mark had seen right through his act.

And now, he was curled up on the couch in the living room while the others were having dinner. Meals in their dorm were always a noisy affair, and Donghyuck wasn’t sure he would be able to stand that tonight, with his mind being all over the place. Taeyong had come to try and get him twice now, but he’d simply insisted that he wasn’t hungry and would rather try to nap a little. He knew that their leader would still bring him the leftovers as soon as the others finished, and he felt bad for making him worry like that. Taeyong had enough on his mind as it was.

He needed a new plan to approach this whole issue, one that wouldn’t make anyone worry about him or Mark feel bad about himself when none of this was his fault. Maybe he should just request a longer hiatus, beg his managers to let him go home to his parents on Jeju Island for a weekend or so. He needed to get his shit together, or else he would never be able to deal with this. It was hard, but it was what he had to do.

Taeyong didn’t come to bring him the food, in the end. He sent Mark in his stead.

“Hey, Donghyuck-ah.” Mark set the plate with leftovers down on the small couch table and crouched down in front of Donghyuck. He was trying really hard not to look at Mark, though, instead focused on the food. It was mostly tteokbokki, Taeil had a talent for making way too many of those whenever it was his turn to cook dinner.

“Donghyuck-ah,” Mark called out again, this time placing a hand on his arm. Hesitantly, Donghyuck looked at him. “Hey, are you okay? You’ve been acting kind of weird.”

_I know_. And he felt so, so bad for it, because Mark didn’t deserve this, didn’t deserve to feel as guilty as he looked in that moment, because it was not his fault and it was just Donghyuck being selfish.

“Yeah!” he hurried to say. “Yeah, I’m totally fine. I just feel like I’m getting a little sick. Maybe a cold?”

Mark didn’t look convinced, if the frown on his face was anything to go by. But he still said, “Well, if you’re feeling okay other than that … that’s great, actually, because I’ve been meaning to tell you something. It’s kind of important to me so I wanted to make sure you’re not … struggling with anything. But maybe you should eat first.”

Panicked, Donghyuck grabbed for the plate Mark pushed in his direction and shoved two whole pieces of tteokbokki in his mouth, if only to make the weird feeling in his gut go away. He had _not_ expected for Mark to tell him this soon, had thought he had at least a week or so left until he was personally confronted with it again. At least he was pretty sure that that was what Mark was going to talk about.

“Well,” he said, voice shaking, after somehow chewing down the food. “Tell me.”

Mark took a deep breath, like he was bracing himself, and Donghyuck, too, mentally prepared himself, raising his defences to protect his poor heart from the oncoming attack. No matter how much this was definitely his own fault, he still didn’t want to get hurt more than necessary.

“This could, potentially, destroy every semblance of friendship between us, Donghyuck, but—” Donghyuck frowned a little, what the hell was he talking about, how could he know that what he was about to say would hurt him?—”but I think you’re one of the most beautiful, most amazing people on the planet and while I kind of hate you sometimes, I think I might be fucking in love with you. I’m sorry it took me so long to say.”

For a whole second, Donghyuck’s breath caught in his throat and he couldn’t even speak. “Wha—”

“ _Hold on._ ” When he finally got something out, he was promptly interrupted by an incredulous voice somewhere by the door, and both Mark and Donghyuck turned around to find Yukhei staring at them. “Donghyuck? _He_ is Donghyuck? _Haechan_ is Donghyuck?”

Donghyuck was sure he’d never frowned this deeply in his life. “What the fuck,” he whispered. “What do you mean, “Haechan is Donghyuck”. Of course I am.”

“I.” Yukhei seemed at a loss for words, his expression looking so panic stricken it was almost hilarious. Almost, because Donghyuck was still absolutely confused as to what was going on. “I didn’t know Haechan was not your real name. Oh god, I fucked up. Oh my god, I’m so sorry.”

Realization settled in Donghyuck’s gut, while Mark just looked even more lost. “Oh my god.” Donghyuck reached up to pull at his own hair in exasperation. “You’re kidding me, aren’t you, hyung?”

He already knew the answer, already knew Yukhei was being serious, but he still let out a long, possibly slightly hysteric sigh when he shook his head.

“Donghyuck. Yukhei. Someone please fill me in.”

Hands trembling in his lap—for whatever reason, Mark literally just confessed that he was in love with him, what was he so nervous for?—, Donghyuck turned back around to his best friend, still crouched down in front of him. “Mark, I’m not sick. I’m sad, or was sad, devastated and didn’t know what to do because Mr Xuxi here told me you were in love with someone else. Someone named Donghyuck which he, apparently, didn’t know was my name.”

He could watch the realization dawning on Mark’s face for a second before he turned around to Yukhei and boldly stated, “Yukhei, you are such a fucking dumbass.”

Yukhei awkwardly scratched the back of his neck. He wouldn’t stop apologizing for the next few minutes and Donghyuck couldn’t help but cackle at him, looking so lost and out of place with his overwhelming height that didn’t seem to quite fit his embarrassed behaviour, the constant apologies and sunken stance. They forgave him easily, of course, because Yukhei was maybe an idiot, should maybe think a little more, but he’d just tried to help.

Donghyuck didn’t get to tell Mark that he loved him, too, until hours later, before they went to bed. And after he did, Mark carefully pulled him in for the most chaste goodnight kiss.

They probably still had sort a lot of things out, considering they technically were not allowed to date, but in that moment, all that counted to Donghyuck was that Mark, the idiot with the goofy smile and the warm hands and the most familiar voice, the idiot that’s been around for five years and that he’s been in love with for tree of those years, was kissing him ever so softly, in the middle of their dorm’s hallway.

**Author's Note:**

> [tweet](https://twitter.com/seokmykiss/status/1077801216858562560) this was inpired by
> 
> i hope no one did this already but if they did i'm really sorry i swear i wrote this without reading anything like it before
> 
> follow me on [tumblr](http://shiningyjae.tumblr.com)


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